{"id":25153,"date":"2021-09-06T14:17:00","date_gmt":"2021-09-06T22:17:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.spokeo.com\/compass\/?p=25153"},"modified":"2022-04-13T12:23:02","modified_gmt":"2022-04-13T20:23:02","slug":"how-to-tell-if-youre-being-catfished","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.spokeo.com\/compass\/how-to-tell-if-youre-being-catfished\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Tell if You\u2019re Being Catfished (Even When It Feels Like Love)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

If there\u2019s one thing we learned about ourselves during the COVID pandemic, it\u2019s that the need for human contact runs deep (even in introverts<\/a>).  We\u2019re a social species, even the least social among us, and that\u2019s why we seek out a sense of community and bonding in our online lives as well as in person. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unfortunately, some people \u2014 inevitably \u2014 regard human nature not as a shared experience to connect us all, but as a lever to be utilized for some form of gain.  Through a process called catfishing<\/a>, these people create a persona that\u2019s broadly appealing and use it to gain a victim\u2019s trust.  The goal may be a vicarious romance for the catfisher or a lucrative romance scam<\/a>, but either way it\u2019s heartbreaking for the victim.  Here\u2019s how to tell if you\u2019re being catfished and what to do about it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Relationship Is On Fast Forward<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Usually the first sign that things might be a little off is that the new person in your life seems to have pressed the \u201cTurbo\u201d button on your relationship.  Everything seems to happen quickly<\/a> \u2014 that feeling of clicking with someone, the exchange of messages where you find so much in common, that first expression of feeling like \u201cmore than friends\u201d \u2014 and the next thing you know, you\u2019re telling people you\u2019re in a long-distance relationship. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What\u2019s missing is the part where you learn actual, tangible, verifiable things about the other person.  If you struggle to list anything you\u2019ve learned about them from a source other than their own words, it\u2019s time to dig a little deeper.
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How To Tell if You\u2019re Being Catfished \u2014 The Devil Is in the Details<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019ve ever had a friend who was prone to \u2014 let\u2019s phrase this politely \u2014 tale-spinning, then you\u2019ve probably noticed how rapidly the story changed if you attempted to pin down specific details. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The same holds true for your online contacts, and it\u2019s one of the first signs that you might be dealing with a catfish.  Your new acquaintance will happily talk all night about the interests you have in common, but strangely might not be active on any of the same forums or Facebook groups as you are or, for example, might not know any of the same players in a specific game. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s easy to shrug off these minor disconnects \u2014 there are probably lots of people on the next block you don\u2019t know personally \u2014 but in conjunction with a high-speed romance, it can be a danger sign that someone\u2019s not who you think they are. <\/p>\n\n\n\n


How \u201cPresent\u201d Is Their Social Media Presence? <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes a catfish is<\/em> on the same Facebook group as you (that\u2019s often how they pick a victim) or has a few of the same friends, but their social media presence seems oddly thin<\/a>.  It may be relatively recent, for example, with no posts going back beyond a few months or a year.  Also, the posts may be oddly generic:  grumbling about work, for example, but never showing or naming the workplace; or mentioning \u2014 but never showing pictures with \u2014 specific friends or relatives. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another potential warning flag is someone who follows a lot of people but doesn\u2019t seem to have a lot of actual friends or followers themselves.  Take a look at your own Facebook timeline or Twitter feed, and then compare it to your new acquaintance\u2019s activity.  Are there posts that generate a 20- or 30-response thread, full of in-jokes and teasing?  Are they tagged often in other peoples\u2019 posts or photos? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If they aren\u2019t, you have to ask yourself why.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The photos you see attached to someone\u2019s account also tell a story, and it\u2019s one that may not add up.  Again, start by taking a look at your own timeline and those of your friends.  You\u2019ll probably see lots of candid shots of people just being people, living their lives.  They\u2019ll mostly be regular cell phone photos with pets, at a restaurant or with friends. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Catfish can\u2019t very well post their own photos, so they rely on pictures scraped from social media and blogs or even from stock photo sites.  They may have just a handful of pictures<\/a> or pictures that all seem to be from around the same time and with the same people.  Sometimes the photos will all be suspiciously professional-looking. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are a couple of easy ways to check the legitimacy of someone\u2019s profile pictures.  In Firefox, you can right-click and choose \u201cView Image Info,\u201d which will show the source of an image.  If it\u2019s filled with copyright information, you have a catfish.  In Chrome you can right-click and choose \u201cSearch Google for Image.\u201d  If the picture shows up on a random person\u2019s page (or worse yet, on several pages with different names), you have a catfish.  You can do the same in any browser by going to Google\u2019s reverse image search tool<\/a> and searching that picture. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Communication Is Always at Arms-Length<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s another big red flag:  How do you communicate with your new acquaintance? Can you just pick up the phone and chat or do a quick video call on Zoom or Facebook Messenger?  Or do you only ever communicate through written messages?  Do in-person meetings always seem to hit a roadblock at the last minute? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

These are all serious warning signs that you have a catfish.  Pretending to be someone you\u2019re not means you can\u2019t show your real face or, sometimes, even chat with your real voice.  The excuses are often plausible (that\u2019s why \u201cI\u2019m deployed overseas\u201d is a staple with catfish), but it\u2019s still a danger sign if they won\u2019t be on-camera with you in real time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Money Thing Happens<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

One final red flag is that you find yourself sending money<\/a> to someone you\u2019ve never met in person.   Sometimes they\u2019ll flat-out hit you up for funds (\u201cMy car broke down and I can\u2019t get to work\u201d); other times they\u2019ll be more artful and just mention a difficulty in passing (\u201c…pulling some extra shifts this weekend…” or \u201c…my car\/ex\u2019s car\/sister\u2019s car needs some work\u2026\u201d) which creates an opportunity for you to step up and be that good friend by helping out. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not every catfishing scheme<\/a> comes down to money (or gifts), but a lot of them eventually do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Confirming You\u2019re Being Catfished<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

If any of those potential \u201cred flags\u201d resonated for you or confirmed your own gut feeling that something wasn\u2019t quite right, it\u2019s time to drill down a little further.  If you have any mutual friends on social media, for example, check if anyone actually knows this person or whether it was a random friend\/follow request.  You might also check an online source like the BBB\u2019s Scam Tracker<\/a> to see whether the story you\u2019ve been given is a match for current scams. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is also the right time to use Spokeo\u2019s people search tools<\/a> to confirm (or dispel) your suspicions.  Search the information you have, whether it\u2019s a name, a phone number<\/a>, an email address<\/a> or a physical address<\/a>.  From those search results, you\u2019ll usually be able to determine very quickly whether a person of that name is associated with that address or phone number.  If not, you\u2019ve probably caught a catfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019ve Caught a Catfish.  Now What? <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re pretty sure you\u2019ve caught a catfish, the next question is what to do about it.  If your only cost up to this point is emotional, your best bet is simply to walk away.  \u201cGhost\u201d them, block them and move on.  A goodbye message just opens the door to more excuses and rationalizations, and remember:  Scammers are really, really<\/em> good at manipulating your emotions.  It\u2019s how they make their living.  Much better to just close that door. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You might also wish to report that person (or more accurately, persona) to the site where you met, backing up your report with any hard evidence you\u2019ve gathered \u2014 scraped photos, a phone number or email address that trace back to a different person \u2014 to show deliberate deception.  Many major sites don\u2019t allow anonymous \u201csock puppet\u201d accounts, especially if there\u2019s a chance they\u2019re bent on fraud. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The calculus changes if you\u2019ve already been defrauded, even of small amounts.  In those situations, it\u2019s appropriate to file complaints with law enforcement<\/a> and the FTC<\/a>.  You\u2019re unlikely to ever get your money back, but you\u2019ll at least have the satisfaction of making it more difficult for the scammer in future. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

References: <\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n