If this describes you, here\u2019s our quick primer on how to make friends online and then (safely) take them offline when the time is right. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s Legitimately Hard to Form and Grow Friendships as Adults<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
The COVID pandemic reminded a lot of us about the importance of friendships.\u00a0 When normal life came to a screeching (if temporary) halt, many of us found that our friends helped keep us sane and centered<\/a>.\u00a0 Some of us lost friends as well<\/a>, not necessarily to the disease itself but because we didn\u2019t manage to stay connected when normal life was disrupted.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n COVID was an extreme example, but we lose friends ongoingly even in normal times.\u00a0 It\u2019s well-documented that new parents lose friends<\/a> (especially childless ones) under the pressure of parenting, though eventually, you\u2019ll gain new ones through meeting other parents at your kids\u2019 activities.\u00a0 Many of us will move to a new city<\/a> for work or personal reasons, and leave a whole set of friendships behind.\u00a0 We\u2019ll lose friends over time to misunderstandings or bruised feelings, and some friendships will simply peter out on their own.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Replacing those friends with new ones gets harder as we get older. We\u2019re not going to school anymore, surrounded by a \u201cbuffet selection\u201d of candidates for friendship.\u00a0 We\u2019re also burdened by time constraints and busy-ness, and our own emotional baggage can get in the way (\u201clow trust\u201d and \u201clack of time\u201d are two of the most consistent reasons<\/a> researchers hear from study participants).\u00a0 Post-COVID, there\u2019s been a surge of articles in leading publications about this very challenge.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n So yes, friendships are harder as an adult, but they\u2019re also crucial to our well-being<\/a> in the long term.\u00a0 So while it\u2019s challenging, it\u2019s a challenge we all need to face sooner or later.\u00a0 And for many of us, the easiest and best way to seek out new connections is online.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n There are a lot of reasons this is true. For starters, as we\u2019ve mentioned, once you\u2019re out of school, you simply don\u2019t meet as many potential friends. Workplaces can sometimes fill that gap (especially in high-risk scenarios like first responders or the military), but many of us work from home now, and even in a large workplace you probably have just a small pool of direct coworkers. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Online your pool of potential friends is essentially the entire world, or at least that part of it that speaks a language you know. That\u2019s arguably the biggest advantage of connecting virtually, but there are lots of others: <\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s just a representative handful of reasons why you might choose to pursue friendships online, at least initially.\u00a0 Your list will probably include others, but the central point remains that it can be easier (and neatly addresses both the \u201ctime\u201d and \u201ctrust\u201d issues).<\/p>\n\n\n\n At this point, you may be saying to yourself \u201cOkay, I\u2019m convinced, but how should I actually do<\/em> it? How do I even start?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Well, you have plenty of options. If anything there may be too many options, so take a moment before you start and think about the kind of people you want to connect with. You almost certainly have a handful of core traits, interests, and things that you\u2019re passionate about, and people who share at least some of those traits or interests are the ones you\u2019re likeliest to bond with. So your next step is to find out where they gather and to join them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Googling \u201cconnect with people who love to [your interest]\u201d is a good starting point, or \u201cforums for [your interest]\u201d or \u201c[your interest] discussion groups.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n In those search results, you\u2019ll find plenty of potential online hangouts.\u00a0 Pick one or two that seem active and frequently visited, and \u201clurk\u201d for a while to get a feel for the place. If they\u2019re genuinely \u201cyour kind of people\u201d you can start posting, or if you\u2019re uncomfortable with it you can just close your account and try another.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Using the search functions within major social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, or TikTok<\/a> to find pages or communities that share your interests.\u00a0 In fact, if you\u2019re deliberate about liking and sharing things that indicate your interests, the platforms\u2019 algorithms will usually start suggesting them to you.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Seeking out chats where people who share your interests gather. This can include platforms like Twitch and Discord, Reddit and its vast collection of specialized sub-Reddits, communities on WhatsApp, and so on. Even some online publications offer chat forums where members can discuss and comment on articles, and exchange private messages with each other. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Signing up for one of the many new \u201cfind friends\u201d apps or sites that have popped up.\u00a0 They follow more or less the same model as dating apps, and in fact dating app Bumble has its own \u201cBumble For Friends<\/a>,\u201d or BFF (hat tip to the marketing team for that one!).\u00a0 Other popular options include Meetup<\/a>, Wink<\/a>, Yubo<\/a> (video-chat centered), and Peanut<\/a> (for those new moms whose old friendships are withering).\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Important reminder: These examples are offered for your convenience, but Spokeo does not recommend or endorse any app or platform.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n Once you\u2019ve chosen a platform and found \u201cyour people\u201d on it, you\u2019re ready to start the actual work of making friends. <\/p>\n\n\n\n At some point, whether you like it or not, a fundamental part of how to find friends is just putting yourself out there.\u00a0 A perk to doing this online is that you get to choose how much<\/em> of yourself you reveal, and in what settings.\u00a0 Some platforms make it mandatory to use your real name<\/a> (great for accountability, but not for privacy); some allow pseudonyms or anonymous posting (great for privacy, but lots of potential for abuse); and some split the difference by requiring your real name but allowing on-site pseudonyms or usernames.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n That kind of calculation can affect your choice of platform, especially if you\u2019ve been stalked or victimized online before (or if you\u2019re rebuilding your life after fleeing an abusive partner, for that matter). On platforms that permit anonymous or pseudonymous posting, by all means, use it. On platforms that don\u2019t, you can usually opt to keep most of your information (location, photos, connections) private, and keep the public part of your profile as low-key as possible. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Once you\u2019ve taken care of that basic level of housekeeping, you\u2019re ready to engage. It\u2019s usually best to ease in slowly, and get a feel for the temperament of others in the group as you go. A suitable progression might look something like this: <\/p>\n\n\n\n By opening up slowly, and limiting the hard information about \u201cthe real you\u201d you share publicly, you\u2019ll have the opportunity to gain (and build) trust within the community before going all-in on your new friendships. <\/p>\n\n\n\n If at any point along the way someone makes you feel uncomfortable or demands a disproportionate share of your time and attention, you can still disengage.\u00a0 In worst-case scenarios (potential scammers, abusive language, and so on) you can report the offender to a community\u2019s moderators, or to the platform itself, or simply block and ignore them<\/a>.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Everything up to this point has been, essentially, dipping your toe into the waters.\u00a0 But If you\u2019re going to develop real friendships, that means sooner or later you\u2019ll have to take a chance and dive in. With online friends, that means opening up and revealing more of your real self: your emotions, your experiences, and\u2013at times \u2013details about your real-world existence.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s emotionally risky, but it\u2019s also risky in a more direct and personal sense if the other person isn\u2019t acting in good faith.\u00a0 Most of the people you\u2019ll meet online are who they say they are (at most, perhaps, they\u2019re presenting a slightly enhanced version<\/a> of their real selves), but there\u2019s definitely a risk that you\u2019ll encounter the other kind.\u00a0 So, before you attempt to connect in a more meaningful way, it\u2019s prudent to verify that they\u2019re who (and what) they say they are.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some important verification steps include: <\/p>\n\n\n\n There are some extra precautions you might want to take before meeting in person<\/a>.\u00a0 One obvious option is to join a social activity with several others, so there will be plenty of witnesses around (it\u2019s also potentially less awkward and stressful than a one-on-one meetup).\u00a0 A few others include:\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Adding someone to your trusted circle of friends is a big step, and it goes both ways. If you want to find<\/em> that ride-or-die friend, you also have to be<\/em> that ride-or-die friend. If they share something with you in confidence, keep it confidential. If they open up to you, don\u2019t mock them for it or gossip about them with others in the community. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Remember, they\u2019re taking exactly the same risks you are: any time you open yourself up to someone else, there\u2019s at least some chance of your trust being violated. It\u2019s an unfortunate reality, one that most of us learn the hard way on the road to adulthood. But ultimately it\u2019s trust, and the emotional connection that grows from trust, that lies at the heart of meaningful friendships. You can\u2019t have one without the other. <\/p>\n\n\n\n By providing the tools you need to learn how to make friends online, Spokeo<\/a> can provide a foundation for that trust and make your initial interactions less of a step into the dark. It can\u2019t possibly substitute for learning to know someone personally, but it can at least give you the confidence you need to start.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sources<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Frontiers in Psychology: \u201cI Think Friendship Over This Lockdown Like Saved My Life<\/em>\u201d – Student Experiences of Maintaining Friendships During COVID-19 Lockdown: An Interpretative Phenomenological Study<\/a>; Amy Maloy et al., 2022\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Refinery29: \u201cIt Feels Like a Loss\u201d: How COVID Made Friends Drift Apart<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n Today\u2019s Parent: I Never Expected to Lose So Many Friends After Becoming a Parent<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n Psychology Today: Making Adult Friends is Hard: Here are 40 Reasons Why<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n Frontiers in Psychology: Adult Friendship and Wellbeing: A Systematic Review With Practical Implications<\/a>; Christos Pezirkianidis et al., 2023<\/p>\n\n\n\n Bumble: Find Your People With Bumble For Friends<\/a>\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Meetup: Home<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n Wink: Dating and Friends<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n Yubo: Home<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n Peanut: A Safe Space for Women to Meet and Find Support<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n Protocol: How Facebook\u2019s Real-Name Policy Changed Social Media Forever<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\nWhy It\u2019s Easier to Connect Online<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
\n
![\"A](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.spokeo.com\/compass\/image\/makefriendsonline.jpeg?resize=1024%2C683&ssl=1\")
<\/figure>\n\n\n\nFinding Potential Friends Online<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Google Is Your Friend<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Use Social Media to Find Your Niche<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Try Chat Rooms (Safely)<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
How to Make Friends Online (Safely)<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
\n
Getting Closer Online, or Meeting Offline: Trust, but Verify<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
\n
\n
Your Circle of Trust<\/h2>\n\n\n\n