Whether you grew up without knowing your dad or have finally decided to track down your biological father, starting the search for your dad can be daunting. Fortunately, if you’ve decided you’re up for the task, modern technology and record-keeping have never been better, and can give you more tools and options than ever before. Here’s what you need to know about how to find him and what to do once you’ve tracked down his contact information.
How to Find Your Dad
When going about searching for your father, there are all kinds of steps you can take. It’s all about gathering information, so there are several things you’ll want to consider doing.
DNA/Ancestry Tests
The recent boom in tests like 23andMe and Ancestry has done wonders in building up genealogy trees, meaning there’s a lot of information you can gather from doing some simple DNA testing. With plenty of affordable options that send kits straight to your home, DNA testing/ancestry services are a great place to start if you don’t have any information about your biological father.
The process:
- Find a DNA provider such as 23andMe or Ancestry (the larger the company, the larger the pool of DNA, so consider doing both even).
- Receive the DNA Testing Kit, follow the instructions, and then send it in.
- Once you receive the results, you can follow up on any leads, like siblings you didn’t know about. You might even get lucky and get direct information about your dad.
Even if a direct match to your dad doesn’t come back from your DNA/Ancestry test, you’ll likely be introduced to a whole network of family members that you can consider reaching out to to help you on your search.
People Search Tool
If you don’t want to involve DNA testing in your search for your dad, there are plenty of other options. All you need to start is a name. If you don’t already know your dad’s name, try asking family members or even checking to see if it is listed on your birth certificate.
People search tools can be quite powerful, and services like Spokeo’s people search can get you a whole lot of information quickly and conveniently. All you need is a little bit of information to start.
The process:
- Use the information you know, things like:
- Your dad’s first, middle, and last name.
- The city and/or state he last lived in. If you aren’t sure, start with the city where you were born.
- His age (or a rough estimate, at least)
- Enter your dad’s name on Spokeo.
- Look for results that match up with any other information you might know, such as city, age, etc.
- If you don’t have any information on your dad, try entering your mom’s information, your siblings’ information, or even your own. There might be some connection Spokeo is able to make through public records that you don’t know about!
- If you’re confident you’ve identified your dad, look at all of the information a service like Spokeo can provide. Whether it be marriage licenses, criminal records, etc., all that information can be used to decide your next steps (additional fees beyond base subscription may apply).
- If there are a couple of likely people, consider some safe ways you can reach out to make sure (we’ll go over that a little later).
A people search tool like Spokeo is also a great place to turn to if you’ve run a DNA test that has revealed extended members of your family. Running a people search using their names can reveal ways to get in touch with them — and may reveal other information (such as possible criminal records; again, additional fees may apply) that can help you decide which of your extended family members may be the best to reach out to.
Learn How Spokeo Helped A Father Reconnect with his Daughter
Social Media
We live in a time where a lot of people post a lot of information, pictures, and videos online for the whole world to see. Digital safety aside, this can be a great way to find people if you have even a rough idea of where they might be or what they might look like (hey, they just might look like you).
The process:
- If you have a name, start looking up accounts on popular social media sites like Facebook, Instagram, or even X (formerly Twitter).
- If you have some idea of what your dad might look like, this is a good way to find him and possibly even open a form of direct message communication.
- Use this in conjunction with a people search to narrow down names and a location, and possibly put a face to a name. If the name and location line up between a people search and social media, finding some kind of resemblance might be a clue to solving your search.
Public Records Search
If you were adopted, there should be records held by an adoption agency or even the state (note that adoption records and accessibility vary from state to state, so you’ll have to see what the situation is where you live). If you’re in a state with information opt-in for biological parents, all the information you are looking for could be with the state.
Hire a Private Investigator
If amateur sleuthing isn’t your thing, consider hiring a professional to take on the search for your dad. While hiring a PI can be a much costlier option, they will have experience and connections that will help push the search farther than you likely could. If you do decide to go the PI route, make sure to research trustworthy and capable private investigators near you.
I Found My Dad, Now What?
If you think you’ve found your dad (or at least narrowed it down to a couple of likely candidates), congrats. The question quickly becomes, what do you do now? If you just needed to know who he is, then you’re probably content with doing nothing. However, if you intend to reach out and establish a line of communication, remember that even though this person is your biological dad, he is also a complete stranger. Father or not, it’s always good to approach strangers with caution.
So, what should you do? Consider trying the following:
- Consider reaching out with your sibling(s) or with another family member. Sometimes, approaching an unfamiliar situation can be made easier with support.
- Decide on a method of contact. Obviously, you’re limited to whatever contact information you have, but consider starting with an email, text message, or direct message chain before going straight to a phone call or in-person meet-up. After establishing some form of text-based communication, should you decide to meet him, always do so in a safe and public space. Better yet, go with a family member or close friend, and at the very least, they can stay nearby in case you decide you need backup or a quick exit should things not go smoothly.
- Have emotional backup. The process of tracking down your dad and possibly forming some type of contact or a relationship can be heavily emotional. Having people close to you that you can share your feelings with will be super important in processing all of your emotions. If you aren’t comfortable with that, consider a professional therapist you can confide in. Again, it can be a heavy process, so there’s no shame in finding support!
Final Thoughts
Searching for your dad can be difficult for all sorts of reasons, but with services like DNA tests, people search tools like Spokeo, social media, and all of the other records out there, there’s a good chance you’ll find success. If you do succeed in finding him (good luck!), remember to approach the situation with caution, but also with a plan and some emotional support. Whether you decide to establish a relationship or not, finding your dad can provide a sense of closure in your life, and that in and of itself is invaluable!