Nothing stings like an awkward first date, and nothing burns like salt in a wound like a date that felt awkwardly cut short. Sometimes it is obvious they weren’t into you — maybe they went to the restroom and just kept on going, maybe they got a call and frantically had to leave and left you feeling like you were being ditched. But were you? Here are some common signs to look out for to see if you’ve been dumped or if you are just misreading the situation.
You Messed Up: First Date Mistakes
Let’s start with the hard truth: you may have messed up! Most people don’t get up and leave a date in the cold if they are 100% enthusiastic. If they misread your cues as being high-maintenance, controlling, aggressive or lecherous, they’ll feel threatened. If they think you’re uninterested and being rude about it, it might not be unusual for your date to have a sudden “emergency” that requires them to leave, fast. This applies to both sexes.
Here are some behaviors that can make you come off as aggressive or bored:
- Talking about yourself too much.
- Not asking questions about your date.
- Focusing too much on your date’s appearance, for better or worse.
- Being rude to service staff.
- Talking about your exes.
- Checking your phone too much.
- Being too comfortable with your date.
Mistaken Body Language
Sometimes body language is the culprit. This can be unfortunate, especially if you or your date have quirky tics that can be misread. You have to be yourself on a date, but you should be your best self. Be aware of your body language, even practice before you go on the date. You want to come across as confident, relaxed and interested in your date. It is a fine balancing act, too much in any direction and your date may easily misread your intentions. Honing good body language takes practice:
—-Keep good posture: back straight, chin tucked in a bit, your weight settled into your core. Not only will this make you look more confident and controlled, it actually improves your self confidence. If you are slouched down, it could be misread as being uninterested in your date.
—Hug, don’t shake hands. If it seems appropriate, opt to give a quick hug rather than settle for a business-like handshake on the date. This sends a message that you’re open and into the other person. Even if you’re still feeling your date out, coming across as standoffish generally doesn’t establish an enjoyable vibe for any meeting.
—Physically lean in when your date is talking. This is a powerful sign that you’re interested. But guess what? Actually listen to them too and have a conversation. Not paying attention, checking your phone or otherwise ignoring your date can be easily read as a lack of interest.
—Laugh, smile and be open. This is a date, not a formal interview. Show that you can be open and that your date is making you happy. Being cold and withdrawn is simply no fun. It may even be read as some sort of weird power play.
All’s Not Lost: Misread Intentions
If your date mysteriously vanishes on a trip to the bathroom, it’s safe to say this one is over. But if they get a call from their friend and have to leave quickly, or have to answer a work-related email that seems to derail the night, don’t panic. It might be a legitimate excuse but they may be too embarrassed to call you back. Give them a day, and if you don’t hear from them reach out and just ask for another date. Don’t bring up the bad experience, just be understanding and offer up another opportunity to get to know each other better.
Don’t feel bad though—it could have been worse—check out these tales of the the worst first dates ever.