Meeting people online who become your friends is normal now, and having those friends turn into real-life partners is not exactly rare, either. Unfortunately, the same technology that makes it possible to meet friends around the world also makes it possible for romance scammers to find even more victims – and make it more difficult for the victim to spot the scam and extricate themselves. Most of the red flags are the same ones you’d see for any romance scam. The international angle adds a couple of potential traps and clues, and luckily, if you listen to your gut and don’t get swept up in amazing promises, you can protect yourself.
Why Are International Scams So Dangerous?
Romance scams are dangerous no matter where or how they operate, but international scams are more insidious because of a few characteristics and consequences. One is that they’re much harder to resolve; getting your money back from a financial scam is much harder when dealing with international borders and laws. Another is that they can be harder to spot, given that someone abroad would almost certainly be harder to meet in person. Plus, there’s this mystique surrounding international love affairs that can really pull someone in. But knowing what these scammers do to fool people can help stop you from becoming a victim.
They Love You Already!
Romance scammers often use the love-bombing technique, where their supposed love for you suddenly grows almost overnight. They start telling you how much they love you, perhaps sending small gifts, and they make you feel like you’ve found the love of a lifetime. What they’re really doing is using information they’ve gleaned from previous conversations to tailor this fraudulent love so that it seems perfect for you. Scammers are good at sniffing out lonely people who might be susceptible to attention, and they use your need for love to get you to trust them. It’s also meant to put pressure on you and make you so invested in the “relationship” that you don’t pay attention to any little details that hint that there might be something off about their story.
Now They Have Financial Trouble – or a Great Investment Opportunity
You can argue that the person you’re communicating with is just passionate and that love at first sight can happen to anyone. And it’s true that some people like to move faster than others. But one development that should stop you in your tracks is if that passionate, wonderful person suddenly has financial issues and asks you for money. This could be money to pay rent, for hospital bills, for visa costs, to complete a last semester of schooling after a supposed scholarship was pulled, funeral costs for a family member, to pay money to local law enforcement to help a relative in trouble, and so on. The Federal Trade Commission put together a list of “romance scammers’ favorite lies,” and topping the list was that they or someone close to them was hurt or in jail. The lies weren’t always directly linked to money, such as one about trusting them with private pictures, but even those could be used for extortion later on.
Sometimes the financial request isn’t about being in trouble. The second most popular lie on the FTC’s list was about teaching the victim to invest. Scammers may also ask for money so they can make some sort of investment that will improve their lives. No matter how positive the story, never send them money, and start re-evaluating whether they’re telling you the truth. It may hurt, but you’re not the only one who’s ever discovered they’ve been talking to a scammer. It’s better for you to find out now than to find out after you send the money.
The FTC also warns that if you do agree to send them money, they’ll likely request that you send it in a way that makes it impossible to get back. Wiring funds, paying via cryptocurrency, purchasing gift cards and sending them the card numbers and PINs, and using money transfer apps (presumably with refund policies that make it difficult to get your money back) are methods that scammers have used previously.
TV station KPRC in Houston reported on a frightening trend where scammers actually get their victims involved unwittingly in money laundering. The scammer sends you money, asking you to put a deposit down for something or to pay some other costs before they arrive where you are. However, the people you give it to aren’t apartment managers or other legitimate representatives; they’re associates of the scammer, and you’ve just moved some shady money around for them. While police understand these scams exist, there’s always the risk that they’ll consider you an accomplice, at least at first.
Their Story Changes
Scammers sometimes can’t keep their stories straight, and you may notice discrepancies in what they tell you. Be wary of gaslighting where they try to convince you that you must have heard them incorrectly or that they never gave you some of the details you said they did. They may say you’re overreacting. If something starts to make you feel off-kilter, that’s a sign you need to start checking them out more carefully.
The Future Is Very Vague
If you were involved with someone overseas, you’d want to eventually meet them, right? So, if they seem hesitant to meet you, there’s a problem. Maybe they claim they’d love to see you and then suddenly change plans and be unavailable, or maybe they just get very vague about your future together. If you find that they’re not actually taking steps to either visit you or have you visit them, something’s wrong. Even military members stationed abroad – a favorite scammer “identity” – get time off.
No Video Chats for Them
Starting off with texts and emails may be OK, but eventually you’ll need to talk to each other. Use video chats because you want to be sure the person you see is the same one in any pictures they sent you. If they avoid video chats, that’s a red flag. Most people have the ability to have a video chat through any number of apps, so refusal and avoidance of video communication when you’ve been talking for weeks or even months is suspicious.
Unfortunately for those trying to avoid scams, AI video deepfakes have become a real problem, especially as AI technology has improved. It’s now possible for someone to create a realistic AI persona on video that masks the scammer’s face as they talk. These deepfakes sometimes have tiny flaws, so you’ll need to look carefully at the video.
Steps You Can Take to Uncover Scams
Any time someone tries to romance you, especially online, do some investigation to ensure the person is really who they say they are.
Start With a Reverse Image Lookup
One of the easiest steps is to do a reverse image lookup using Google or another program such as Tineye. Some require that you save the picture to your computer and upload it to the program; others have you copy the image URL and paste it in. A reverse image search can show you if the picture has appeared anywhere else. You want to do this to spot stock photos or photos of celebrities from other countries that the scammers have used, thinking that you wouldn’t recognize them. Some may be AI-generated photos that the scammers have used on other sites under different names. Kiplinger even suggests using reverse image search for photos they sent you of things like meals. You want to check out everything they say is theirs.
If the photo seems to match up with the name (e.g., you find other pictures of this person using the name they gave you, and details in the photos match the story they told you), don’t assume things are fine yet. Scammers will often steal photos and identities of real people and use those to trick others. For example, TV station 6ABC in Philadelphia reported that one military serviceperson, who was married with kids, had his pictures stolen and used in romance scams to defraud others, including convincing one woman to use the money that was in her 401(k) for jewelry and a house that she and the scammer would live in.
Inspect Their Spelling and Grammar
If the person claims to be a native English speaker (or someone who’s supposedly fluent), their English should be relatively good. There may be regional differences in spelling, and anyone can make spelling mistakes. But if you see unusual grammar or constant mistakes that can’t be explained by regional differences, beware. Strange writing patterns, like having every sentence be very short and devoid of any complex grammar, could be a clue that you’re dealing with scammers.
Slow Down
Any sort of love bombing or acceleration in how serious things are getting is your clue to slow down. Do not give in to pressure from the other person to declare your love or start telling them your deepest secrets. Tell them you’re uncomfortable with the pace and prefer to take things slowly. Their reaction should tell you a lot because someone who legitimately likes you will respect your wish to tone it down.
Don’t Send Anything Private or Financial
Be very careful about what information you give them. Don’t start talking about really private stuff until you’ve had a video chat and checked out their pictures and story. And even then, be careful. With AI deepfakes, online “romances” have become much harder to expose as scams. And never send money.
Pay Attention to Your Gut Instinct
Finally, you’ve got to listen to yourself. Don’t dismiss doubts as mere butterflies, and if things seem to be going splendidly, stop for a moment and review everything that’s happened. If anything strikes you as strange, take a closer look at it. Check out the person’s name in Spokeo’s People Search, and if they gave you a phone number or address, Spokeo has a Reverse Address Lookup and a Reverse Phone Lookup that you can use to find more information about whoever is trying to woo you. Don’t let the scammers get to you. Maintain a healthy level of skepticism as you communicate with people online and remember that anyone who truly loves you will treat you carefully.
Suzanne S. Wiley is an editor and web content writer. She has been editing since 1989 and began writing in 2009, covering topics such as environmental issues and health. Wiley has also written about gardening, food, and history.