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Home Advice & How-ToRelationships How To Rekindle Long Lost Love

How To Rekindle Long Lost Love

by Pamela Fay

Ever wonder what happened to that long lost love?  You had a certain spark between you.  Now you haven’t spoken in years.  Did something go wrong?  Perhaps you just drifted apart.  Whatever occurred in the past, you remember your time together fondly and you think that there may be some unfinished business between you.  If you think it’s time to give love a second chance, you’ve come to the right place. Here’s how to rekindle a relationship.

Overcome the Fear of Connecting

Even if you have a way to connect, it’s natural to have reservations.  After all, you may feel like you know nothing about this person now.  They could have been twice married and divorced, have children, or live in another state.  Or perhaps they’ve changed careers or gotten into some trouble with the law.  In any case, life happens. Whatever bonded you together in the past may no longer exist.  It’s no longer as simple as picking up the phone.  Before you put yourself out there, wouldn’t it be nice to get some of your questions answered? 

No matter how much time has passed, you can find ways to reconnect with your lost love. Of course, lives change with each passing year.  But even with limited information, technology can facilitate the search.

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You Can Find Your Long Lost Love

Google is likely the first place you’ll turn to when looking to learn more about where your long-lost love may be today.  But simply plugging your ex’s name into the search bar may not turn up the information you’re looking for, especially if they have a common name (or if their name has since changed). 

If Google doesn’t pull up what you’re looking for, the next step will be to turn to social media.  But remember, even if you do find your ex’s profile, social media is a highlight reel.  It may look like they live the good life, when in reality they may be far from it.  So how do you find the truth?  That’s when you turn to a dynamic people search engine such as Spokeo.  Spokeo can help you find your ex even when you are no longer sure of the last name. 

Using Spokeo’s advanced search tools, you can discover available information on:

  • Where they live.
  • Aliases and other names they use.
  • Marital status, roommates and housemates.
  • Place of employment.
  • Social media accounts, including online dating profiles.
  • Value of their home.
  • Criminal history (if applicable and additional fees may apply).

A little information will quickly tell you enough so that your head can lead your heart, at least for the moment.

How To Break the Ice

Now that you’re sure you’d like to reconnect, you just need a reason.  “Should we give it another go?” may seem a bit awkward.  Instead, you can use the excuse of a birthday or holiday.  Luckily there are hundreds of special calendar days.  Maybe you have fond memories of sharing a combo at the movies every Friday.  January 19th is National Popcorn Day.  If that doesn’t appeal, the last Saturday in February is Open That Bottle Night, created specifically to encourage people to reconnect with one another over a bottle of wine.  Of course, there’s no reason you couldn’t opt for a nonalcoholic cider instead.  Find a day, any day, and fire off that text. 

Setting Boundaries With a Lost Love

It’s important to demonstrate respect in every relationship.  It’s particularly important when you rekindle an old flame.  You can’t expect to pick up where you left off.  Trust needs to be reestablished and ground rules set.

Take your cues from the other person.  If you realize that boundaries are personal and unique, you can do this without feeling offended.  When you respect boundaries, you are simply accepting the other person just as they are.  You can violate boundaries if you:

  • Call, text or email too often.
  • Share mutual information or pictures on social media.
  • Deny them alone time or time with other friends.
  • Overstay your welcome.
  • Lean on them excessively for emotional support.
  • Comment on their appearance, style or family relationships.
  • Try to change them.

Remember that there are others.  But this list provides important reminders of how to pace yourself in order to rebuild a healthy relationship.

Making it Last

Now that you found your lost love, you’ll want to keep the spark going indefinitely.  Some aspects of the rekindled relationship will be easy. You already know a great deal about one another, at least in the past. But, remember, you’ve wondered for some time about what might have been. It’s likely that the events of the past are filtered through a romantic lens.  You’ve retained all of the positive memories and discarded the negative moments.  Also, you may have been younger at the time, and nothing is as exhilarating or as indelible as first love.

Be open to new possibilities.  Just be sure to keep your expectations realistic, as time and space has surely changed you both. Don’t be dazzled by an illusion. Give your new relationship time and patience to grow and mature. Remember that you don’t really know this person as you once did, even though the remnants of a formerly intense bond have endured.  Work through the initial fireworks of an instant romance, allowing your new relationship time and patience to mature.  It’s the best way to  establish the foundation for lasting love. 

Using today’s technology, it’s easier than ever to find someone from your past.  Follow this formula and you’ll discover how easy it is to reconnect with someone you once loved.