Breakup Etiquette: Should You Block Your Ex?

Breakups have never been easy — for every agreeable, amicable parting of ways, it seems like there are two or three emotionally messy, complex separations. But they’ve only become more complicated and nuanced as online contact, the myriad of methods that keep us perpetually connected, has become so ingrained in the human experience. It’s no longer just a question of “should we break up,” but a question of “how broken up should we be online and stuff?” 

“Should I block my ex?” is chief among those muddy modern breakup questions, and just like your relationship status in that will-we-won’t-we mid-breakup period, the answer to that question is: it’s complicated.  

Should I Block My Ex? Pros and Cons

Sometimes, the first and most actionable step in a complicated and emotionally charged situation is to sit down and approach things simply and logically, even if the approach seems a little basic. With the knowledge that everyone’s situation is going to be different, let’s hit up the old pros and cons columns. 

To Block…

• It feels good. Sure, it might be petty, but that feeling of freedom and release is real. Besides, you can always walk it back later if you feel the need (we’ll get to that). 
• It gives you time to grieve the relationship. Every breakup is a loss, and sooner or later, you’ll need to take time to process it. 
• It might help you heal. If the wound is fresh, it’s very possible that every little contact stings. Taking some time for that to wear off is an investment in the future. You may or may not ever be friends again, but you’ll be better able to deal fairly with each other after the rawness fades. 
• You still have “feelings.” This is where things get tricky. Even if you’re the one who initiated the breakup, you may still be strongly attracted to your ex. Blocking them is one way to make sure you don’t drunk-message them with rage, booty calls, or heartbreak, which can itself save you some regret. 
• You want to. It’s perfectly valid to straight-up say, “I can’t deal with this or you right now.” Self-care is always important, but especially when you’re hurting.

…or Not To Block

• It makes the practical details harder. Even if you’re not dissolving a shared household, you’ll probably have some straight-up logistics to figure out, like things left behind in each other’s homes or cherished memories stored on their phone. It’s just easier to sort out that kind of thing if you’re still communicating. 
• You could lose community. How many of the people in your circle are part of your ex’s as well? Can you block your ex effectively without blocking them? Is blocking them a price you’re willing to pay? 
• It’s sometimes tough on friends, family, and colleagues. Related, blocking your ex may make your friends, family, or coworkers feel pressured to take sides. In a breakup that doesn’t involve egregious misbehavior, you may not want to put them in that position. 
• There’s a custody issue involved. If you’re co-parenting after a breakup, blocking your ex – and especially attempting to block your ex from communicating with your child – can put you on thin legal ice. Pet custody has less legal standing (we think of them as family, but they’re property under the law), though modern courts are increasingly willing to consider their emotional role, especially in cases of divorce. 

If you’re having a hard time deciding whether to block or not block, you’re not alone: even experts disagree. Former advice columnist Amy Chan, author of Breakup Bootcamp, says you should always block an ex for at least 30 and ideally 60 days. Meanwhile, fellow columnist Anna Pulley – who cheerfully admits to a lot of trial and error in her own breakups – is open to a broader range of responses, which may or may not include blocking. 

The difference in thought makes one thing clear: the choice is personal and, ultimately, yours.

Abusive, Threatening, or Stalking Behavior

“Should I block my ex?” is a layered question; in most cases, your decision to block or not block is a judgment call. But there’s one circumstance that makes it a line in the sand. If your ex was abusive, or if you’ve been getting abusive or threatening calls and messages, or if your ex is stalking you, don’t even think about it. Stop reading, and start blocking. You do not need that kind of toxicity in your life. 

Abusers are often very skilled at manipulating and gaslighting their partners (if your history together includes a million reasons why everything is your fault, extravagant claims of remorse and empty promises of reform, or scathing comments about how and why you’d never make it on your own, you might be looking at some gaslighting red flags), so blocking your ex takes away a lot of potential vulnerabilities. Not only does it cut those strings, but it also denies your ex most of the easy ways to track your activities online. If you’re in danger, it’s also worth considering blocking your ex’s friends and family, lest they deliberately or accidentally pass along crucial information.

You don’t need us to say it, but we’re going to anyway: put your physical, mental, and emotional health first. 

How Blocking Works on Major Platforms 

As you transition from “should I block my ex?” into “how do I block my ex?,” the steps will vary based on the platforms on which you’re connected. On most phones, you can simply select the contact and tap the “block” button. On socials, things are a little different – here’s how each breaks down, straight from the source:

• TikTok: True to form. TikTok’s blocking process is short and simple.
• Twitter/X: You can block someone on X by clicking the three dots on any of their posts or their profile. Be warned, though, that in the post-Elon era, blocked users can still see your posts, even if they can’t engage with them. (X? More like ex, yeah?)
• Snapchat: Like X, blocked users on Snapchat will still be able to see your public posts, so you’ll probably also want to tweak your privacy settings (a good idea for every platform, for the next little while). 
• Instagram: On Insta, you’ll want this page. One thoughtful detail: When you block someone from the Instagram app, it also blocks any new accounts they may create.
• Facebook: Facebook’s Help Center will tell you how to unfriend or block someone, and also provides a lot of other options you might not be aware of, like taking a break from someone’s profile or limiting who can see your posts. 

Going Further

Depending on how many channels you previously used to communicate with your ex, you may also need to block them on one or more messaging apps, or reach out to mutual friends and acquaintances and ask them to please, please, please not undermine your decision by acting as an intermediary. 

If your ex is really determined to maintain contact, you may need to take extra precautions against them opening new accounts or getting a new phone number for the express purpose of bypassing your defenses.  Spokeo’s People Search can help with that: Just plug in your ex’s name, phone number, or email address, and review the results to see additional numbers, emails, and social media handles that may be associated with them. As a bonus, it’ll also show if the number that’s suddenly messaging you belongs to his mom or her BFF.

Frequently Asked Questions

You probably won’t be shocked to learn that you’re not the first person going through the motions with this. Airing out some of the most commonly asked questions that arise when people search online for “should I block my ex?” might just help you work through it, too, especially with a little insight from experts:

Is it healthy to block your ex? 

Oftentimes, yes. Neuroscientific studies have shown that the brain registers breakup pain much the same way it does physical pain. Blocking is a boundary that you’re able to deploy, and boundaries can be very healthy. 

Will blocking someone help you move on? 

According to Jessica Baum, LMHC, that’s a yes. “Blocking can serve as a form of protection as you try to let go and move forward.”

Is it immature to block your ex? 

If you’ve given it thought, are protecting your peace, or have communicated it with your ex, then absolutely not. In many cases, it can be downright mature. 

Should I block my ex if I still have feelings? 

As LCSW Dr. Jennifer Jacobsen Schulz tells Marriage.com, “The bottom line is if you’re trying to move on, but you can’t stop yourself from contacting your ex or obsessing over their social media posts, blocking is the best choice.”

Finding Your Level

As Baum puts it, the choice to block often comes down to two questions: how are you responding to the relationship ending (Are you having a hard time letting go? Feeling jealous? Feeling upset when they contact you?) and how is your ex responding to the relationship ending (are they seeking your attention too much? Does contact from them inspire negative feelings in you)?

If you’re feeling conflicted, it’s important to remember that blocking your ex doesn’t necessarily need to be forever. Unless things are really adversarial or toxic, you can even be up front about it. If things are amicable, let them know that you’re going to block them for a period of time, not out of spite, but to have the space to process things. Be sure to emphasize that when (or if) you unblock them at the end of that time, and potentially re-friend or re-follow them, that it doesn’t mean the door is open for a reunion. It just means you’ve taken the time you needed, and you’re ready to get on with your life. 

At the end of the day, it’s all about you. If you need to block your ex in order to get through the breakup, then do it without shame or guilt. If you’re okay with maintaining limited contact, do that instead. Everybody grieves differently, everybody heals differently, and sometimes you need to put yourself first.

So, should you block your ex? The answer’s different for everyone. What matters most is that you’ve done your diligence, gotten support from your loved ones and mental health professionals, and found that level that best protects your heart. 

As a freelance writer, small business owner, and consultant with more than a decade of experience, Dan has been fortunate enough to collaborate with leading brands including Microsoft, Fortune, Verizon, Discover, Office Depot, The Motley Fool, and more. He currently resides in Dallas, TX.