Most serious relationships start off with a couple being madly in love. They go on romantic dates, share intimate secrets and whisper sweet nothings. Unfortunately, even the most loving relationships can begin to show cracks over time.
The root causes of breakups exist across a spectrum. The most extreme may cause irreparable damage, like if one partner has to move across the country for a new job or even gets caught cheating. On the other end, sometimes smaller interpersonal challenges slowly erode a relationship’s very foundation over time. As the “honeymoon period” wanes, one partner often reverts focus back to themselves and becomes less willing to put in the extra time, energy or effort required to keep a relationship healthy.
This often breeds anxiety and discontent in their partner who doesn’t know what they’ve done wrong or why things have changed. They may begin withholding affection, refusing to communicate or do something more extreme in order to regain some control. There comes a point at which the standoff causes them to begin thinking the relationship may be past the point of saving.
Right now, saving your broken relationship may seem overly ambitious. That being said, it’s important to remember what brought you together in the first place. If you long to rekindle those feelings you shared in the early days, we want you to know that it may not be over yet. Because you have the desire, there’s a possibility of making things work. Read on to learn how to fix a broken relationship in 10 days.
Day 1: Look Back to the Past
Looking back into your past experiences for insight is one of the first ways to figure out how to approach a difficult situation. This is especially true when attempting to fix a broken relationship. Because we tend to stay consistent in our interpersonal behavior with partners your first step should be reflecting on previous break-ups to try to figure out what initially caused the cracks.
Try to recall if there’s any overlap between the past and your current relationship. Ask yourself, why did my past relationships break up? Why did we start to grow apart? When did I stop caring if we were together or not? What did your ex say when you had that final talk? If things ended amicably, you might even try reaching out to an ex to see if they can shed any light on what really caused the split, from their (less biased) perspective. You very well could be exhibiting the same behavior that caused past breakups but are totally unaware of what you’re doing wrong. Looking back and evaluating the past is the first step.
Day 2: Find Forgiveness
Being the bigger person and finding forgiveness is the best (though not easiest) cure for mending a broken relationship. Holding on to anger, resentment, and bitterness only escalates problems that already exist between you. It also doesn’t allow you to heal – it’s nearly impossible to forgive a partner that keeps hurting you.
Take the time to try to understand your partner’s perspective, no matter how convinced you are that you’re in the right. Even if you are technically correct, telling your partner that you understand where they’re coming from can go a long, long way. Focus on acknowledging that while your perspectives are different, you want to work together to communicate and ensure you’re both on the same page in the future. By doing that, you can speed up the forgiveness process and help them (and you) not to make the same mistake again.
Day 3: Turn on Empathy
Developing empathy for your partner is the biggest step in how to heal a broken relationship. It also helps in creating a more intimate bond with your partner. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person.
Take the time to understand your partner’s feelings. Empathize with your partner’s fear, shame, self-doubt, and anxiety. Through honest communication, you can restore lost trust and revive your relationship.
Day 4: Believe in Yourself
Personal insecurities can hinder your goal of mending your broken relationship. It makes it difficult to mend the fractures existing between you and your partner. Make sure that you haven’t lost your sense of self since the relationship started. Do you still do the things that you love and made you happy prior to meeting your partner?
It’s unhealthy to allow your relationship to drain you of your identity and cause you to lose yourself as a person. Learning self-love is an ongoing process. Also, loving and trusting in yourself can help you become more open and caring towards your partner.
Day 5 – Be True to Yourself
Next on your way to fixing your broken relationship comes being true to yourself. It is important for you to accept and reflect on your feelings – reconnecting with your inner self. Search through yourself to find out what your heart or feelings are trying to tell you. Understand that it is fine for you to move on and let go of the situation. Go ahead, if your feelings tell you that it would be the best decision to do so.
Day 6 – Consider Counseling
Booking an appointment with a therapist can be the key to how to fix a broken relationship. A trained and experienced therapist can help you and your partner. They know how to bring out a couple’s true feelings.
You’ll understand the reasons why your relationship became broken in the first place. If both partners in the relationship want it to succeed, counseling might be the way to go.
Day 7 – Trust is the Answer
Building trust in your relationship is very important. Once trust breaks in a relationship, it can be hard to rebuild. Communicate with your partner and check to see if there is anything to worry about.
While some may think it unwise, there are many examples of couples who allow their phone to be checked if one partner has a history of dishonesty. They can check their call log and texts to make sure that they’re keeping their promise to be faithful. You can search for the owner of unknown phone numbers using Spokeo’s Reverse Phone Lookup.
Day 8 – Be a Giver
At the onset of most relationships, it was easy to buy each other gifts and take each other out on nice dates. But those things gestures tend to fade over in time and you no longer put in as much effort to make each other feel special.
Don’t get lazy when it comes to being a giver; keep going above and beyond to do nice things for your partner. It doesn’t have to be something grandiose. Something simple like bringing your partner a cup of coffee in bed in the morning or sending flowers to them at work can go a long way in fixing a broken relationship.
Day 9 – Remember What Brought You Together
Remind yourself of what brought you and your partner together. Reflect on the memories you’ve built since the beginning of your relationship. It takes two people to figure out how to mend a broken relationship.
That means setting aside your ego and reflecting on the interests you both share. Remember the things you have in common that attracted you to each other in the first place. That will help rekindle your love for each other and you’ll also realize how much you have to lose if you split apart.
Day 10 – Quality Time
Spending quality time and having quality conversations with your partner is important. It can help you have amazing breakthroughs in your relationship. When you want to fix a broken relationship, you need to make it a habit to spend time together. Have open, honest conversations with your partner. Talk about your feelings, don’t bring up past pain points, try to forgive, and learn to compromise.
At the end of the 10-day journey
Couples who want to be together need to learn to put their emotions aside and cooperate. A relationship can only work if both parties work on it together. There’ll be no need to look for relationship fixes in the future if you work hard on it right now and make a conscious effort to apply the above tips.